New Tires

My last post on this blog was almost exactly one year ago. In that year I finished a major career project, got divorced, switched careers, and started a new life. So not a big year for me at all...

Looking behind me, (which is not something I spend too long doing) I suppose you could see it as a year in any one's life... filled with the normal and predictable assortment of laughter, tears, decisions, deliberations, progress, and regress. My sister once said of her birthday that it was one more cycle around the sun. Somehow that idea of a year in the life took away the pressure I unfailingly place on myself to achieve, accomplish, and take One Step Ahead. We are just spinning through space. We are just riding this blue and green ball while we spin around a star. So what really matters?

What matters is the journey of the heart. Yes, I could list all the achievements and failures of the past year, and "learn from them." And I do. But I look at what my heart has been through and this past year takes on a very different meaning. My heart began last year on a familiar road and then made two abrupt turns: one in my personal life and one in my professional life. So my heart is in new territory, exploring new terrain, but it's the same old heart. Kind of like taking your car on a dirt road when it's used to the safe and smooth ride of asphalt. I'm on the dirt road. I feel every rock and depression beneath my tires. I cough as the dust rises up to choke me and obscure my view. I clench my teeth and grip with my gut when the car takes an unexpected dip and I feel like I'm losing control at the wheel.

But I know this car... She's reliable. She's got her quirks and idiosyncrasies , but she'll start, she'll run, and she'll get me there.

And damn it, I know this heart. It is steadfast, loving, deeply passionate, and pure. It has its quirks, but I know how to get 'er going. I'm ready for the dust and the pot holes, the mud and the dips and hills ahead. I'm ready for the serene quiet of a deserted, forgotten road. Let the other hearts on the highway go speeding by - with purpose, motion, and power. I'm far away where you can't find me. I'm one hour off the interstate. I'm on the country road. And my city car isn't used to the rough ride, but she's reliable.

I'm thinking I'll probably need new tires though...