Breathe

For the past three years, I've been working as a personal trainer.  Sure, I love fitness and am committed to each and every client I train, but lifting weights and constructing workout plans isn't my passion.

Human growth is.

My clients (God bless them) know that working with me isn't always about their physical bodies. Yes, I can kick some tail.  I know how to help people find the shape of their bodies for the first time in their lives, no matter what their age.  I watched a young woman go from obesity to a 5K.  I watched a 76 year old man transition from a sedentary life of overeating and television to walking an 11 mile trail for fun on his birthday, just because he can now.  This work is filled with triumph and disappointment, and I'm there for both on any given day, whether the number on the scale goes up or down...

But the real work I do with my clients is much deeper than calorie counts, body fat percentages, and proper form.

It's the inside stuff.



I've learned a few things about people from putting them through workouts, and the greatest lesson is this:

Who we are in a session is who we are.

Period.

Excuse makers make excuses in general.
Hard workers work hard in general.
Whiners whine in general.
Non-quitters are non-quitters in general.

Each person I've trained comes to me with a goal in mind and a complex set of strengths and weaknesses to work with.  I spend the first two or three sessions watching them move through simple exercises.  Some are coordinated and pick up proper form quickly; some don't. Some laugh and chat through sweat and hard work; others close their eyes and dig in.  A client brings not only their body into a session, but their heart, their desire, their habits, their dreams, and their worries.  Some start with fear, some with tenacity, some with bravado, some with a wish and a prayer... and most seem to start with the same habit:

They don't breathe.

Some hold their breath and turn purple: "I'll do this if it kills me!"
Some let the exercises control them and wind up panting and exhausted: "I can't do anymore!"
Some take in and let out miniscule amounts of air: "I must stay in total control!"
Some lose form quickly when the work becomes hard and then stop the exercise, stare at me angrily, and exhale with exasperation: "No more!"
Some can be lifting their maximum weight, shaking, and they'll calmly inhale and exhale through the nose: "You're never going to see me sweat!"

Again -- Who we are in a session is who we are.

Every day, I teach people to let breath power the work.

Every day, I ask people to believe that they can reach their goals one breath at a time.

Every day, I watch them wage war against their habits, their excuses, and their need for control.
And eventually concede that breath is far more potent than sheer will power alone.

Every day, I remind people to breathe.

~ ~ ~

I get a great deal on my therapy session fee.  My therapist is worth a lot more than I pay him; he knows it and I know it, but he has mercy on this graduate student and gives me a solid hour (sometimes more) at a rate I can afford.

Why is this important?

Because one of the first lessons M. taught me has been the most enduring and worth the price of admission.

"Vanessa... breathe."

I started my work with M. during the darkest and most confusing time of my life.  I'd walk into session, collapse into a ball of tears, and begin talking a-mile-a-minute.  For twenty minutes or more, I'd explain, complain, repeat, explore, analyze, disclose, divulge, and then... when words were running out... I'd look up at M. and breathlessly await his response.  And it always came.

"Vanessa... breathe."

Because who I am in a session is who I am, too.

And for the first time in those twenty minutes or more, I'd consciously take a breath.  And my heart would beat more slowly.  And the sticky sweat just beginning to emerge from my pores would evaporate.  And somehow, through the confusion, emotion, and tears... I'd begin to see my own way out of the mess I was in.  Something larger than my own will was powering my way out of struggle... and it began with breathing.

Not too long ago, I found myself in a tough emotional spot.  And I stopped trying to figure it out.  I stopped trying to make it better.  And I decided to let the breath power the movement...

I breathed.

And I realized a truth absolutely profound in its simplicity:

If I can breathe, I can get through this.
If I can breathe, I can get through anything.
All I have to do is keep breathing....

~ ~ ~ 

The Hebrew word for Spirit is ruach, which is the same word for breath.
The Greek word for Spirit is pneuma, which is the same word for breath.

Coincidence?  I think not.

When we breathe, thinking becomes easier.  The heart rate slows.  Physical manifestations of anxiety decrease.  Perspective materializes.  Anger dissipates.

Coincidence?  I think not.

Something profound happened when God breathed into Adam's nostrils.  Life entered the Man.
(It is immaterial whether you believe it's merely a story or history.)

Something profound happens when we breathe.

Something greater than us powers the work.

Don't hold your breath.

Breathe.  And live.