Hippy Hill

Northern California is a world unto itself.  The perfectly comfortable climate, the gorgeous pine covered hills set against the translucent blue sky, and the laid-back, easy disposition of Californians create a graceful world of plenty.  Wealth is the norm, but if you're not wealthy, there's plenty of sunshine.  There's plenty of beauty.  Plenty of knowledge.  Plenty of nature.  Plenty of culture.  Plenty of plenty.

And San Francisco is a city of plenty.  Plenty of architecture, food, shopping, education, and hills.  I've just returned from a trip to The City by the Bay.  (It was a graduation present to myself.  Yes, I finally finished!)  And, like all major cities, there is much more to see and do than can be accomplished in just one trip.  For this reason, I needed a plan of attack.

Sacred Solitude

Anxiety may be the most uncomfortable state human beings can suffer.

Sadness, depression, melancholy can be overwhelming, but there's a stillness and quietness in depression that at least allows us physical rest.  We feel the weight on our shoulders, the crushing weight of our broken hearts and disillusioned minds, and we may even dance with the idea of death...  but the space we are in is deathly quiet.  We sink.  We may even hit bottom, but at least there we stop.

Anxiety doesn't allow this.  The mind races, the heart races, the feeling is as if we are coming out of our skin.  We are charged with energy that can be put to no good use because the mind cannot focus.  We are hurtling ourselves forward on the proverbial rat wheel, charging faster and faster, sweating profusely... going nowhere.  No rest.  No relief.  We itch with worry.  We squirm with overbearing, unwanted, frenetic energy.  Our hearts burn up with desire but go up in flames when no path appears before us.  We are filled with animated, exhausting dread.

This is anxiety.

And we have ways of coping.

Dear Self: This is your heart calling...

I went running this morning.

I was out of coffee and rather than "running" to the grocery store to get it, I literally ran to the grocery store and ran back with a bag of coffee in my hand.  And perhaps it was the endorphins firing off during the run; perhaps it was simply the beauty of the morning; or maybe my heart is just at peace... but I couldn't stop smiling, laughing, and singing while I ran.  I stopped to take a picture of two birds (this is not something I normally do when I'm focused on a run) balancing atop a church steeple - simply because their poise and perspective struck me this morning.

Oh, for days like this!  Job?  What job?  Let every day be a Saturday...

I arrived back at my apartment, coffee in hand, and glanced around at the many things that I'd like to accomplish today.

Rehang that mirror.
Organize that box o' stuff.
Go through those receipts. (groan)
Return this.
Look for that.

Wait!  Coffee first.  While it percolated, I accomplished one small task on the list of things to do...

With a warm cup of coffee in hand and Jim Brickman in the background (don't judge), I opened up my Bible.  With such a glowing morning behind me, I wanted to stay in a space of inspiration and peace...

Only my mind wouldn't go there.  Before I knew it, I was online looking at occasional chairs!  I was checking email, reading news, googling the artist I'd just heard on Pandora...

Blessed

For the past several months, I’ve been trying to find a church.  This is quite a lot like dating…

There is a first impression based on appearance.  You seek out and wait for similarities to arise, subconsciously hoping the experience is to some extent a reflection of yourself.  You compare the reality to your ideal and measure the proximity or distance of one against the other.  (A strongly foul odor would immediately mean a no go...)

And, like dating, I have my priorities: excellent (and educated) Biblical teaching, a moving worship service, and strong community, i.e. friendly seeming people.  I specify that the people must seem friendly because there is no way one could deduce their true level of friendliness from just one visit.  But I stand a better chance that the people are friendly if they seem so.

Needless to say, my search has yielded few results worth revisiting. (Much like dating…)  Perhaps my priorities are too demanding.  Perhaps I’m looking in the wrong places and haven’t met the “right church” yet. 

I’ve noticed, however, that as I walk with God, my priorities are shifting, or better: reordering. Hearing the right message or singing the right songs has grown less important than finding the right community...

Where Do You Live (From)?

Sorry I've been gone for so long.  Grad school keeps me busy along with two jobs, an internship, the greatest friends and sisters in the world, blah, blah, blah...  I'm back.  And I've got so much on my mind.

I haven't written - not because I lacked ideas - but because I've had too many.  And if you know me, you know that it's tough for me to make decisions when I have too many options.  Well, I've made one.  Here we go...

~ ~ ~

Where Do You Live (From)?

Two people each meet a potential mate.  They're the same age, live in the same town, work in similar jobs, and share similar dreams of happiness.

Two people score a desired job interview.  They're of the same education levels, similar intellectual capacity, matching previous experience, and share comparable hopes for success.

Two people plan a party.  They spend about the same amount of time on the menu, decorations, guest list, and both hope it's a successful and memorable night.

So what?