To the Baby of the Family: Build Your Fire

I'm the youngest of four.

She never would have admitted it, but I was my mother's favorite.  She didn't love me more than my sisters; that's not what made me her favorite.

She doted on me more.

I was treated like - and therefore acted like - a baby.

And then I became an adult.

It's a strange experience: being a baby inside a woman's body...

A Grilled Cheese Sandwich Can Save a Relationship

I love grilled cheese.  

It's the sandwich equivalent of wrapping myself in a warm robe.

Temperature and texture are everything.

Have you ever taken a bite out of a grilled cheese, and the cheese wasn't fully melted?  

Disappointing.

Or the bread and the cheese aren't aligned so some bites are too cheesy and some bites are too bready?  

Unsatisfying.

But when it's right, it's all the best things in one sandwich... warm, toasty bread, melted butter, ooey-gooey cheese. Yes, please!

We want things to be just right because we crave the settling, safe feeling of satisfaction.

Damp clothes that haven't finished drying...
Room temperature soup...
A skipping record... 

Unsatisfying.  

I had an exchange this weekend that has lingered over into my Monday morning coffee... 

In our relationships, what truly satisfies us???

I Forgive You... Again

The book of Matthew recounts a story of Peter asking Jesus for His thoughts about forgiveness... 

"Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?"

Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times."

I can appreciate Peter here. We all like to know what's required so we can pace ourselves, don't we? 

I run, and knowing how far I'm going to run on any given day gives me a sense of control. I can wrap my mind around what's coming if I know what's coming... 

But Jesus' response is a little like asking your running partner, "How far are we going? Three miles?"  

And they respond with, "No, let's shoot for fifty."

Ugh. 

There's a cup of coffee in front of me, piping hot and sinfully creamy, not too sweet. Just how I like it.  

Let the contemplation begin...

The Two Words that Say Everything

I know.  Brave title...

After I wrote Love is Not Fair, I found myself pondering the same question many of you wrote to me, in comments and privately: now what?

It's a good question, a fair question.  If love isn't fair but we want to be loving people who receive love and give love, do we live life in continuous frustration?  Anger even?  This doesn't seem tenable.  Indeed it is not.

So... what then?  How do we love, really love, and stay sane?  Every relationship seems to be a dance of grace and missteps, a ledger of debits and credits, the metaphors go on and on, but the idea remains consistent: it's simply not going to be fair.  It's not going to always balance out.

What do we do with the often painful gap between expectation and experience?

Love is Not Fair

Like most of us, I spent time with family over the Thanksgiving holiday.

It's a mixed bag, isn't it?

Traditions and nostalgia color the conversation in familiar shades of warmth and comfort.  We are filled with a sense of belonging.  The shared history breeds a shared kinship.  We are part of a tribe, and on some level we feel known, accepted, and included.

But then there's difficulty.  A hurtful word, an old argument that resurfaces, an infuriating pattern that just won't quit...  And the stories that we tell morph from Normal Rockwell scenes of heartwarming family bliss to the Competition of the Victims.

Let's Put "It's In The Past" In The Past

We've all hurt one another's feelings.  We've all had our feelings hurt.  It's pretty miserable either way, particularly the later scenario.  

The "hurt" feeling: a swift kick in the stomach, a tightness in the chest, our shoulders hunch over, our facial muscles collapse, our brow furrows as we struggle to understand what's happening...

Let's face it: it's unpleasant.

But it's also a fact of life.  By that I mean, it happens.  We do it, and it's done to us.

Hippy Hill

Northern California is a world unto itself.  The perfectly comfortable climate, the gorgeous pine covered hills set against the translucent blue sky, and the laid-back, easy disposition of Californians create a graceful world of plenty.  Wealth is the norm, but if you're not wealthy, there's plenty of sunshine.  There's plenty of beauty.  Plenty of knowledge.  Plenty of nature.  Plenty of culture.  Plenty of plenty.

And San Francisco is a city of plenty.  Plenty of architecture, food, shopping, education, and hills.  I've just returned from a trip to The City by the Bay.  (It was a graduation present to myself.  Yes, I finally finished!)  And, like all major cities, there is much more to see and do than can be accomplished in just one trip.  For this reason, I needed a plan of attack.