Rest 'n Peace

I remember a time in my 20s when I passed out cold in the middle of a meeting.

I was working somewhere between 60-70 hours a week, forgetting to eat, drinking lots of caffeine to keep me going, and ignoring all kinds of physical signs that my body was reaching a breaking point.  A very patient internist gave me a crash course on physical health after I'd come back to consciousness:

The body is made up of several systems: digestive, nervous, circulatory, respiratory, immune, skeletal, muscular, etc.  When one system is taxed, the others will compensate.  When all are overly taxed, the body starts shutting down.

That's the state I was in. EXHAUSTION.  SHUTTING DOWN.



After a little orange juice in the ER (to replenish my blood sugar) and a cab ride home to my apartment, I spent the next day and a half feeling as though I'd just given away half of my blood.  Weak, drained, recuperating.  I barely had the strength to walk to the bathroom much less do any work.  I had literally worn myself out.

Fast forward a few years.

I'm in my 30s and working on my masters degree.  I'm also working while working on my masters degree.  And in the midst of personal training sessions (my bread and butter), homework, papers, classes, new relationships, books, blah blah blah... I'm feeling the old, familiar "worn out" feeling.  But this time, it's not physical.   See, after that episode in my 20s, I started taking better care of me.  Well, my body anyway.  I began to eat healthier food, got more sleep, exercised fairly consistently, and learned to slow down when I need to slow down.  We've all heard the phrase "listen to your body"... well I do.  I listen.

But what about the spiritual self?  The emotional person?  The psychological me?  What do we do when those systems are taxed?  What happens when they start breaking down? How do we respond when our spirit says, "I'm starving."  Do we even hear it?

Last Saturday, I came home from class EXHAUSTED.  But it wasn't a physical exhaustion.  I had conflicting emotions, a busy mind - many, many thoughts, and a churning spirit.  I knew what I needed: prayer and meditation.  But that's not what I did.  Instead, I sat on the couch for hours watching episode after episode of Breaking Bad.  And every time I pressed "Play the Next Episode" I told myself, "This is good.  You are resting when you need to rest."  But that's not what I was doing.

I was avoiding what I needed.

Underneath my self-congratulations was the real story: I was mentally too tired to engage.  I didn't want to start asking myself the tough questions, sort out my thoughts, and allow God to restore my peace after I had poured out my heart.  I just wanted to zone out.  The problem was, I never did.  I watched episode after episode while my mind was frozen like a runner in mid stride, with all its thoughts on hold, while my spirit cried out for peace, yet my body was... still.

There's a big difference between rest and peace.

Resting the body simply stills the body.  Resting the spirit means allowing it to enter into a place of safety, a place where it's okay to collapse because we are loved.  It's going where our spirit is "home" and flopping on the couch.  We are kidding ourselves if we try to live as though resting the body will bring rest to the spirit.  It won't.  But when we engage, ask, pray, meditate, and let God into our places of exhaustion-confusion, we come into rest that brings peace. 

Just like the physical body, the spirit can take a little neglect.  We are resilient people; we bounce back after a day of poor care.  Our bodies store fat for survival.  The spirit stores memories, lessons, and words of truth.  But just as the body weakens and fails if neglected for too long, so does the spirit.

"Peace! Be still."  (Mark 4:39 English Standard Version)  Here's the definitive moment in the story of Jesus commanding the storm to stop. I find it interesting that He said those words in that order.  First, quiet the storm.  Then be still.

First, quiet the mind, bring the spirit into God's presence, then... rest.

Get real rest.  Rest 'n peace.